你还在迷信所谓的“约会秘笈”吗？

Self-help books that espouse clever chat-up lines, psychological mind-games and manipulation of body language actually make it harder to find a soulmate, it was said.
据称，自助手册中建议的妙语连珠、心理游戏以及肢体语言，这些手段的运用事实上反而会增加觅得意中人的难度。Instead, singles of both sexes should focus on just being themselves and having fun, according to Dr Petra Boynton, an expert in sex and relationships.
两性关系学专家帕特拉•博因顿博士指出，单身的男性与女性最好还是做回自己，放松心态。The social psychologist from University College London, dismissed most of the advice given in dating guides and self-help books as unscientific "bunkum".
这位来自伦敦大学的社会心理学家指出，大部分约会指南和自助手册中提出的建议，都是没有科学依据的“废话”。Speaking at the British Science Festival in Birmingham, she said: "They talk about 'science has shown' or 'biology says' or 'in evolutionary terms men are programmed to be the aggressors and women are not'. "
她在伯明翰举办的英国科学节上表示：“他们常说‘科学证明’、‘生物学研究表明’或者‘从进化的角度而言男性天生就比女性主动’。”“But they never cite any of the science they're talking about and when you look at the way they apply it, it's just rhetoric. There's no science to actually back up what they're saying. ”
“但是他们从来没有引用任何所谈到的科学依据，当你想看看他们的研究方法时，就会发现这只不过是一种虚夸的言辞。事实上没有科学能支持他们的论调。”This week Dr. Boynton invited 60 members of the public to a speed dating event at Aston University where they discussed the art of match-making.
本周，博因顿博士邀请了60个人参加在阿斯顿大学举行的速配聚会，在那里他们讨论了相亲的技巧。Her advice to nervous daters was to keep things simple, be themselves, and get into practice talking.
对于情绪紧张的相亲者，她建议顺其自然，展现自己，练习交谈。"If you're thinking about having to present yourself in a particular way and having to manage a line it comes over as contrived," she said.
“如果你考虑要用特殊的方式展示自己，并采用精心编造的辞令，那会显得很不自然。”"Certainly what doesn't particularly help is when you've got to do a lot of game-playing, posing or reading body language."
“玩心理游戏、刻意摆出各种姿势或者试图分析身体语言，这些显然不会有什么特别的帮助。”She debunked a number of myths related to the so-called expert "rules" of dating.
她揭穿了不少所谓专家提议的约会“规则”中的奥秘。She said for men clever chat-up lines do not generally work. They appear contrived and can be horribly fluffed.
她认为诙谐的闲谈语句通常并不管用。这些言辞看上去矫揉造作，反而会坏事。Also a popular phenomenon known as nagging or offering a "back-handed" compliment which was meant to make a man look confident and self assured, was more likely to cause her to "run for the hills".
此外，有一种流行的趋势，就是批评抨击或者讽刺挖苦，能使男性看起来更加自信，但这更有可能把身旁的女性吓跑。Not calling him first, or not answering his calls, and generally playing hard to get to keep him "on his toes" is bad advice, Dr. Boynton said. Instead he might just walk away.
博因顿博士指出，女性不主动打电话给男性，不接对方电话，或不择手段让对方围着你忙个不停，这些都不是好主意。他有可能就因此弃你而去了。