妈妈的心思你懂吗

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母亲节对于每个做母亲的或者是做子女的都非常重要。这是一期脱口秀的特别节目，做儿女的应该体谅一下做母亲的辛劳，如果不知道母亲的心思，就听听这期节目。

Oh, come on, you know you wanna sit down. You've gotta...or maybe it's more comfortable for someone of you to be standing. This is our Mother's Day show. Welcome, everybody. Our audience is filled with pregnant moms for the very first time. Right? Very first time.

Oh, boy! And you are pregnant, right? I made a mistake before and it was very embarrassing with another audience. And I'm sorry. So some of you are further along than another. Some people are just wondering and the line for the bathroom is very long back there. Usually we don't allow people to get up during the show and go to bathroom but that's totally acceptable on this show. But we have a ready-to-pop section over there and so we have an EMT standing by in case anybody goes into contractions, just raise your hand and we'll get tea during the commercial break. So I think we have time with stuff like that. So then there is a, next to the ready-to-pop section, we also have a whoop sedated section, which is usually where my mom sets. But she is not here, and it is not coz she is not pregnant as far as I know.

>>>叱诧职场的必备书籍，还在犹豫什么？

And that's as far as I wanna know. Happy Mother's Day, Mama.I love you. And all of you who are the first-time pregnant moms, that's a, that's a lot to prepare for, I will tell you that right now. I don't wanna all of a sudden scare you. But over the next 25 years, you are gotta have to ask questions you've never asked before like: From all the way from "who needs to go party to? You've got what pierced? Where is that?" And Portia and I got some exiting news today we are expecting.

I know, thank you. I am so excited. Thank you very much. I'm excited. Yeah, we are expecting our couch to be delivered today. I've been waiting for 6 weeks. They make them and you're like" When are they gonna come?" You got all so excited I can't believe. I guess I'll have a baby if you want me to have one so bad. There was a poll, that's funny that you are so excited for this, because there was a poll conducted by . And Portia and I were just voted the No.1 celebrity couple that they would trust leaving their kids with, not just couple but the No.1 celebrity. There were 10,000 polled and we were ahead of Jennifer Aniston, Brad & Angelina, Oprah. And so I'm flattered that all of you think that we are the ones you wanna leave kids with. But here is a thing. Before you start dropping you kids of our house like it's a day care, I wanna tell you what I know about babies. And I know which end your feed, I do know that. I know up from down, I know front from back on the boy ones. And that's all I know. That's all I know.

If I could, I would help every mother out there. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of mothers and their sacrifices but also there is hardly a day that goes by that I'm not drunk by noon. So something to think about before you call us to babysit. Plus everything in our house, you got a baby-proof that everything in our house is made of shards of glass and twisted metal. So, but today's show is for all of you and if you need anything, let us know. If you need a snack, go ahead. If you, you know, you are eating for two, and we understand that. And just remember you are also dancing for two.